Come Hell or High Water

As I am sitting here on a Saturday night, in my finished basement, watching the documentary Hell or High Water: Rebuilding the Calgary Stampede, which details getting the 101st Calgary Stampede up and running on time in 2013 despite the devastating floods that hit Calgary and the surrounding areas only 2 weeks before, I can't help but reflect on what was going on in my life and my marriage during that time as well.

This is initially prompted by the date that appears on the TV screen as the documentary begins.  An all-black screen features the date in white typefont in the bottom lefthand corner.  June 21, 2013, the first day that the documentary covers, was our 27th Anniversary. Seeing the date so stark and bold on the screen gives my heart a little squeeze.  A slight feeling in my solar plexus of having been gently punched.  As the cameras pan over the devastation of the flood waters, I think back to that day in my life. The debris and dirty water echos the state of my marriage then, though I only know that something is wrong, not what.  I still think that my husband's PTSD is behind his moods and behaviour. I have no idea that he was already in an inappropriate relationship with another woman long before we even left for Cuba just 10 days before, for what was supposed to be a celebration of our anniversary, and an opportunity for us to unwind and reconnect.

June 16, 2013 - Mike & I on a catamaran tour in Cuba

We were fortunate to live in a part of Calgary that was not physically affected by the flooding, so we didn't have to deal with the personal and property losses that so many others in the city found themselves struggling through. We came back from our "anniversary celebration" trip to Cuba just two days before, in the wee hours on June 19th.  I was coping with jet lag and the lingering disappointment of the end of our vacation and opportunity for renewal. I felt as if I had been on vacation with a stranger. By June 20th, we were both back at our jobs.

June 19, 2013 Facebook Post

"So good to be back in YYC! Land of crisp air, reliable washrooms, and Tim Horton's :)"

The home renovations being done by our contractors to finish our basement, among other things, were supposed to be wrapped up by June 22nd, shortly after we returned home. There remained only one major project left undone; a custom window seat in what would be our new, amazing, romantic master bedroom. You know, the one I now sleep in alone. As it turned out, it would be another THREE months before this was finished, being told with every week that it should be finished any day now.  This caused a bottle-neck in being able to put our house back together, and left us continuing to cope with the ongoing stress of a chaotic living environment. The portion of the renovations that my husband, with the assistance of my brother, had been tackling were not yet done (and still are not as of this post).  Throughout the renovation process, Mike had largely refused to take on any responsibilities relating to the renovations, leaving it all to me.  So, I came home to the joyful tasks of wrangling the cabinet maker to finish the project, and negotiating a dispute with the main contractor over the final bill.

Window seat finally completed on Sept. 28, 2013

In addition, I worked for an engineering firm at the time, and we began to be inundated with calls from flooded homeowners and City of Calgary property managers needing structural evaluations of homes and businesses. My work, which had already been too much for one person, was now beginning to spiral completely beyond my control.  While the city, and with it our iconic Stampede grounds, were overrun with water, my life was again overrun with stress. But I was still the cog in the wheel grinding away to keep our lives together, one day at a time. Organizing the renovations, running the house, managing vet appointments for the three cats, medical and psychologist appointments for our two daughters, and massage therapy/acupuncture appointments for myself to help relieve the physical effects of the stress.

That determination and drive to open the Stampede for business no matter what, utilizing community spirit, hard work and, if necessary, sheer force of will, is exactly how I felt about my marriage and my family.  I was confident that no matter what, given just enough time and tremendous effort, teamwork, and a little luck, things would come out alright in the end.  Because you just don't give up.  That is unheard of in our community, and has certainly never been a part of my character.  So I just kept plugging along, certain that all we needed was the strength to see it through, and just a little more time. Doing it the hard way was never a deterrent to me.  Just a greater challenge that you dug down deeper to deal with.  That's part of what marriage means to me.  Loving and supporting each other while working together toward a common goal.  It doesn't matter how messy it gets, life is supposed to be messy.  I was undaunted, and determined to rebuild my marriage.

June 21, 2013 - Edworthy Park, Calgary AB

Successfully getting the 2013 Calgary Stampede up and running, despite all obstacles, gave the city hope that life does go on, and everything was going to be okay. I'm currently doing as they did. Cleaning up the debris of my life, rebuilding and moving onward, come hell or high water.